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Happiest Place On (B)Earth-Day

July 17, 1955 – Disneyland is born to a world still able to be impressed by a carousel. Today – DL turns 63. It’s okay if you haven’t got it a birthday present yet. Here’s a handy dandy list of gifts you could give to a theme park that got 18,200,000 visitors in 2015 according to haphazard Google search:

  • A separate entrance for annual passholders/activated tickets
  • Since 63 = 21 three times – 3 cocktails at Trader Sam’s. An Uh-Oa!, Krakatoa Punch and a Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Rum. 1 with the souvenir mug if you’re lucky enough to get there when they actually have them on hand.
  • A Nerf body-suit to deal with Matterhorn related whiplash
  • Additional stroller parking (etiquette sold separately)
  • Better menu items for Blue Bayou
  • Jumping ahead 4 spots on the Club 33 waitlist (admittance in 9.875 years now)
  • a 2ND SONG FOR it’s a small world ALREADY!!!
  • 1 more happy haunt
  • part ownership of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks again
  • A parking garage paid for by the city with rent of like, 3 bucks a year. If they don’t have this already.
  • An Earl of Sandwich. They could use one.
  • A proper Joffrey’s stand for people too impatient to wait at Starbucks for a coffee.
  • A Dole Whip with dark rum from the Disneyland Hotel we snuck into the park somehow.
  • Something to suck the gas stink out of the air around Autopia.
  • In-park pizza that’s really good.
  • Extra space for A Bug’s Land #saveHeimlich
  • A 7th song for Mission Breakout. I’m feeling something by Foghat.
  • Take them across the street for an $11.99 buffet from Captain Kidd’s
  • Wait times for Peter Pan’s Flight under 25 minutes.
  • A purple wall
  • Mobility devices that’re just AT-ATs
  • Fresh paint for Toontown
  • Utilidoors a la Magic Kingdom so cast members can get to their lands unseen. I can’t imagine there’d be any challenges installing tunnels underground in California…
  • A fastpass for Pirates that somehow people won’t piss and moan over.
  • An actual ending for Snow White’s Scary adventure
  • Just mail it in and give a gift card

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If all else fails – just send as much money as you possibly can.

 

Happy 63rd birthday Disneyland. You’re the best US park. I stand by that.