Disney

The 5th WDW Park That Totally Is Not Happening At All

Walt Disney World is 43 square miles. That’s roughly the size of Montreal (San Francisco if you’d prefer to translate that to American). That includes 34 hotels (Including all variations of Value, Moderate, Deluxe, Deluxe Villas, Shades of Green, the 4 Seasons & the Swolphin), 4 theme parks, some golf courses, a mini golf course, a doggy daycare, a random McDonalds from when they had a partnership before people cared about trans fats, Disney Springs, 2 water parks, fire hall, police station, water treatment plant I had the pleasure of running past once and a whole bunch of other empty land.

A super common conversation among Dis-nerds is what would Disney do if they opened a 5th gate in Florida? They’ve got the space? Where’s my 5th park?

The logical argument is for either a Star Wars Park (feasible) or a Marvel one (impossible because of the Marvel deal with Universal that pre-dates the Disney acquisition).

As much as it would be sweet to have a park exclusively dedicated to the villainous Icelandic hockey team from Mighty Ducks 2 – it’s best to drop the ridiculous cloud talk and recognize there really is only 1 option.

I know we just got Toy Story Land, and there’s already Nemo, Monsters Inc and eventually a Ratatouille atraction- but a pure Pixar Park would be stellar. Pixar has created so many worlds that would be amazing to see come to life. So here’s my proposal:

  • To start – move what’s left of A Bug’s Land from California Adventure. I’m talking Heimlich’s Chew Chew Train, Francis’ Ladybug Boogie, Tuck & Roll’s Drive’em Buggies, the splash pad, the accoutrements and even the churro stand that sells ants on a log for the kiddos.
  • Next,  move over the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor and free up valuable space in Tomorrowland. Bring That Guy to the new park too.
  • Same for Turtle Talk with Crush
  • Replicate Incredicoaster, plus the midway games of Pixar Pier, Bing Bong’s Candy Shop, Lamplight Lounge cause it seems to be a hit and most importantly bring The Adorable Snowman to the East Coast so both coasts can enjoy a Lemon Dole Whip
  • Radiator. Springs. Racers.
  • All of Radiator Springs, really.
  • You can’t not have some new innovations, so create a Midway Mania style archery ride with Merida.
  • Bring the Land of the Dead from Coco to life. Maybe throw in Abuelita’s restaurant (with a mariachi and a NO MUSIC! section)
  • Create something new with the WALL-E/Up IPs. Imagine a Paradise Falls or a Buy N Large! Or a flying house ride? Sell some Kevin stuffies.
  • They already have meet and greets with Joy, Sadness, Dug, Russell – that could move over.
  • Have a Remy’s or Linguini restaurant. 2 credits on the Disney Dining Plan, naturally. And Woody’s Lunch Box. Quick Serve obvs.
  • Some kind of Marine Life Institute. Even if it’s not Monterrey Bay, California.
  • The Monsters University Mess Hall.
  • Somewhere to screen The Good Dinosaur because it’s better than people give it credit for. IT’S ABOUT HAVING A PET AND THE LOVE THE TWO OF YOU SHARE YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERS!!!
  • Something cool with Inside Out. I’m no imagineer. They can figure this out. Okay… FINE! Maybe a 5 track ride where you don’t know whether your trip will involve joy, Sadness, Disgust, Fear or Anger as your Jungle Cruise-esque virtual skipper? Get a water dark ride so there’s some bromine presence here too.

I know there’s a lot of redundancy in this crazy hypothetical but in this day & age, creating a brand new park from scratch with all new rides just isn’t feasible. When Pandora is north of $1 billion, an entire park would be what? North of $10 billion?

It’s a stretch but it wouldn’t be impossible. Plus – I want some kind of meet and greet with Gerald. I like his moxie.

Get after it Iger. Feel free to hire me on as a consultant. I’m willing to consider it….