1) Xmas seems like a smokescreen to distract from the hardship of winter

2) It should be a requirement to have a 5 minute buffer between getting home from work and having any social interaction whatsoever

3) April 30th should be deemed “Practice Halloween”

4) If I ignore my cat when he’s trying to get my attention too often – he’ll piss on something. I am SO jealous he gets to do that.

5) I’m sad but not like, “tell a successful person to die in a fire to feel better about my worthless life” sad or anything

6) I was last week years old when I learned the word for the day after tomorrow was overmorrow

7) As I was drifting off last night I had a clever thought about the movie Coco that I was all “Oh yeah that’s good – I’ll definitely remember that tomorrow” that I definitely forgot today 

8) I’m not racist or anything… but cookies are delicious 

9) Spotify/Apple Music – have access to stream essentially any song/album ever. Netflix – have access to stream former direct to DVD movies, stuff that wasn’t good enough for HBO or Showtime, and Iron Man 2 but not Iron Man 1 or 3 (for 4 months)