It’s no secret that a Walt Disney World/Disneyland vacation can be pricey. Unless you weren’t aware of that? Cause it is. But really… common sense should have told you Disney Parks are expensive. Although common sense should also have led you to roll your eyes at my super cliched topic sentence. Anyway, I digress….

So you’re planning on going to Anaheim/Orlando and you live north of the 49th parallel or in Ontario or Quebec (bonjour!) or the Maritimes or Happy Valley Goose Bay, Labrador. That’s great! Assuming you’re independently wealthy. 

But if you’re a regular middle class schmo or a better than average upper middle class Joseph III or a lower middle clasHAHA AS IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT!!! *clears throat* – the point is you gotta save up a bit.

So here are some tips for my fellow Canadians on how to save to go to Disney Word because ordering a Starbucks You Are Here Hollywood Studios mug on the internet for like, $80 instead of spending thousands to visit Florida would be silly:

1. You can pick up Disney gift cards in denominations of $25-$500 at stores with that Gift Card display you head to around Xmas time for more marginal friends. Buy $25 CAD at a time when you’re getting President’s Choice Loads of Ketchup rippled potato chips, or $50 when you’re at Shoppers Drug Mart getting your RX for that banana flavoured penicillin, or even if you want to grab a $500 GC at Walmart when you’re picking up a single 98¢ package of Great Value roast gravy mix – it’s a great way to slowly accumulate money that’s good in Disneyland or Disney World. I bought a bunch of these for my Grooms Crew and they got a better than the bank exchange rate when they used it in the parks.
2. Set up a US Dollars account with your bank or credit union. We transfer X dollars over every payday. Just so we slowly accumulate money while saying “Ugh, I can’t believe I only got $37.17 for $50 CAD” every week or two.
3. Pick up pennies when you see them on the ground. Because this is Canada and we haven’t had those since 2013. So if there’s a penny on the ground it’s probably an opportunity to save for Disney. Thanks American pennies on the ground!
4. Cash in your empties. This is both a joke and something I totally do. What better way to encourage crushing a beer or three after a particularly crushing Friday at work?
5. Have a birthday. I think we all have that one relative who even though you’re still and adult gives you 20 bucks on your birthday. Thanks Uncle Victor!
6. Go on Facebook, change your birthday to April 1, laugh at the extra wishes you get on your wall, then score another $20 bill from Uncle Vics.
7. Pass Go, collect $200. 
8. I set it so whenever I use Interac Direct Payment a dollar is transferred to my savings account.
9. Just don’t go out. This helps if you’re introverted like me and don’t like being around people more than you absolutely have to. Don’t ask how I can say this, yet blog about going to theme parks that attract millions of visitors annually.  The mental gymnastics I use to justify this will lead to someone spraining an ankle.
10. Just stop buying shit you don’t need. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And there you have it. 10 ways to $ave for Disneyland or Disney World if you are Canadian. I was going to add bring your own lunch to work instead of going out to eat but a top 11 list would be absurd. 

P.S. if you want to just give me money to go to Disneyland – I’m more likely than not willing to accept it.

*Please note this page contains affiliate links. That means if you click and buy stuff, we get moneys!*

So you’re headed to Walt Disney World. Congratulations – you’re broke for 8 weeks afterwards!!!

Before you go, assuming you haven’t already read Fallon’s post on Park Bag Essentials, here’s some other stuff you’ll want to bring along on your WDW vacation:

• For starters, get one of those pop-up clothes hampers. It doesn’t so much help. But’s it’s nice to easily dispose of swass & underboob sweat-soaked clothes in a single handy dandy place.
• Good shoes
• Another pair of good shoes
• A third pair of good shoes. Foot-swass and 20,000 steps/day is some for real punishment
• Good socks too. Performance/athletic ones. With arch support and padding and science stuff.
• Rain ponchos. Imean, you’ll forget to wear them. But you oughta have them.
• Bailey’s for breakfast, other booze of choice to help wind down after a day of being around too many people and a half.
• Water (see point 3)
• Filtered water bottle
• Waterbed (hotels don’t supply these like they used to)
• Jello (for inside your travel waterbed)
• A toque. AKA a beanie. Because we only seem to get to Orlando in the winter months. I’m told it gets sweltering but if you’re there in December/January like we tend to be – toque up chumps.
• Tylenol – for foot and general joint pain
• Advil – for the inevitable headache brought on by being around too many other humans
• Aleve – cause you drank around the World Showcase
• Scissors – cause they’re handy
• Toilet paper – cause even the most magical place on Earth only has 1-ply
• Gum – cause you can’t buy it anywhere on Disney property. I like Nicorette®. It tastes gross. But I can’t seem to get enough.
• dollar store knock-off zipper-lock style plastic baggies. I could say Ziploc® itself but let’s face it – you’re gonna cheap out and grab the  Dollarama® “Slide Seal®” ones for your electronics on water rides, leftovers and for packing potentially leaky travel liquids instead of the name brand.
• The pen you snagged from the hotel
• However much money you think you need (multiplied by 4)
• Patience (lolz)
• Body Glide – unless you love chaffing… you monster
• A song. Cause if anywhere is going to break out into some sort of grand exposition song + dance number – it’ll happen at Walt Disney World
• Your appetite. For real. Portions are gigantic.
• A hat
• Sunscreen
• Hand soap for your hotel room (especially if it’s right after Xmas and you’re able to get citrus-wreath Softsoap® on clearance for 27¢) because that cruddy little bar of hand soap you get at your hotel is cruddy
• Pepsi products if that’s your thing. WDW is a pure Coca-Cola property and some people are very passionate about their carbonated corn-syrup water.
• Unnecessarily long lists
• Whatever you need to convince yourself buying a $45 stuffed Dug from Up is a good idea.
• Your life-partner because loneliness can be crushingly overwhelming.
• Luck. For additional FP+ choices.
• Lucky Charms. They’re magically delicious.
• Prescription medicine. Holy shit you needed a blog post to remember your meds?!?!
• Sunglasses so you can look cool
• Baby wipes so you can not look cool cleaning yourself off should you be an adult who got sticky.

That’s about it. Which is to say I’m out of ideas. Thanks for reading. This post was not brought to you by: Ziploc®  although if they want to give us money we’ll take it. Especially if it comes in a sack with a dollar sign that you can tell is sealed because of the purple or green strip.

• Mr. Incredible’s alter-ego has a last name of Parr. Par = being average at golf.
• Eugene Fitzherbert must have severe post-concussion syndrome
• Anton Ego says “I don’t like food… I love it. If I don’t love what I’m tasting I spit it out!” I feel the same way about songs that aren’t Tomatoa’s “Shiny”
• Gerald is my spirit animal
• Anna is the best princess. Merida is the most underrated princess. The worst princess?  I dunno. But Snow White is definitely the wurst princess.
• I relate way too much to the barcode over Mike Wazowski’s eye gag
• Sure, the parks could use a proper Pizza Planet. But I’d settle just for somewhere with decent pizza in the first place
• WALL-E is the story of the last robot of its kind left behind on a ruined planet that’s broken beyond repair, yet tries with complete futility to clean it up every day. Over hundreds of years he’s evolved to yearning for companionship and love. And the tale is often wasted on people who don’t get that.
• Cars is better than it gets credit for. Cars 3 is as okay as it gets credit for. We don’t talk about Cars 2.
• Moana is also the best princess. Along with Leia, Suri and Rapunzel.
• I am Groot.
• Try and name 5 Disney movies where both parents are still alive at the end. While you’re trying to come up with Inside Out, Peter Pan, 101 Dalmations, Moana & Tangled I’ll be busy STEALING YO GIRL!!!!!
• If you have a pet, you know that The Good Dinosaur doesn’t get the love it deserves. Unless you have a solitary asshole cat. Then maybe try Lady & the Tramp (all parents alive at the end too btw) and cheer for the Siamese cats.
• Epcot needs a Wakanda pavilion.
• Yo, where’s my Sugar Rush ride? Excluding all the glucose fueled snacks pretty much everywhere in every park.
• I would pay for a fastpass for Trader Sam’s Grog Grotto
• I feel like 30% of the vitriol Last Jedi gets is just pent up anger that wasn’t able to be vented out from The Phantom Menace
• The Muppets should meet the X-Men. Then go for milkshakes.
• Paperman, Feast, Piper, Partly Cloudy, Presto. In that order.
• Remember the first 9 minutes of Up? They wrote the incinerator scene in Toy Story 3.
• Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, why are there so many British and American people in guillotine era France?
• Tiana is also also the best princess
• 999 happy haunts… but there’s always room for 1 more (as long as Haunted Mansion doesn’t switch to Flight of Passage ride vehicles)
• Literally nothing good happens in Dumbo except you’re spared from the heartbreak after 64 minutes
• Sleeping Beauty: Something bad is going to happen to Aurora on her 16th birthday. We know this. But who with a king’s influence, power & resources could protect a single teenager on a very specific day that we are well aware of? Better send her into the woods with some witches who also won’t watch over her on her super sweet 16.
• I am Groot!
• It’s called The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh because “The 7.5 Adventures of Winnie The Pooh” lacked pizzazz
• In Inside Out – the villain is circumstance. Circumstances have got me to this point without refernceing A Bug’s Life
• For real though – A Bug’s Land should be moved from California Adventure to a corner of Animal Kingdom.
• The 8th most jealous moment of my life was when my friend Lisa was the rebel spy on StarTours
• Where’s our Soarin’ movie, pal?
• And after that – what about a Big Thunder Mountain Railroad move starring The Rock of course.
• I AM GROOT!!!
• In Europe, does Nick Wylde call him Flash, Flash, 91-point-4-4 metre dash?

Luke here. You can tell it’s me because I’ve decided whenever I write on Fallon’s blog – it’s going to be in italics. It was either that, or CAPSLOCK but I’m only trying to seem like I’m yelling at you 37% of the time. So that kinda defeats the purpose.

Earlier today the ol’ ball-and-chain PERFECT WIFE & I were chatting about a few things we’d never do at WDW knowing what we know and it gave me an idea for a list of things that through acquired expertise – we’d never do at Disney if we didn’t have to. Without further adieu – a list. 

The Top 8 (Unofficial) Rules For a Successful(ish) Time at Disney World:

1. Do not, under any circumstance, go to Magic Kingdom on a Saturday. MK is the one park that people prioritize at WDW. It’s got the most going on. Mountains of splash, larger than average thunder, space even. Mansions of a haunted nature. Animatronic bear jamboree singular. The last remaining Tomorrowland Transit Authority Peoplemover. A larger than average contingent of people who’ve “paid a lot of money for this so [reason to yell at a college program cast member here]. 😐 An alright kiddie rolller coaster that people wait 2 hours for for some reason. A Peter Pan ride that people wait 75 minutes for for no good reason whatsoever (don’t @ me “But Peter Pan is my favourite…” people). While the land of Cinderella’s castle is pretty impressive – it’s never worth competing for space with locals with annual passes, first-timers, the under-prepared and the general incessant throngs on the obviously busiest day of the week. Go get a drink or seven at Epcot and leave this park to the folks going for the one and only time in their lives. This should pretty much be common sense, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (unrelated – shrug guy in italics looks like it stuck to its New Year’s resolutions)
2. Nothing good happens in the parks between noon and 4. Unless you’re into watching kids have sugar fueled sensory overload meltdowns around 2 or so. Or if you grew up in communism and long for a good line-wait.
3. Hydrate. Also hydrate. And hydrate. Get a Brita water bottle to take the swampy edge off FLA tap water. Get ice water from anywhere with a Coke fountain. Buy 32 bottles of water for $3.33 from WalMart. Or get booze. Tasty, delicious, take-the-edge-off-having-to-be-around-somewhat-too-many people booze. Beers and cocktails and Tipsy Ducks in Love – oh my!
4. Take the entrance through the Rainforest Cafe into AK every single time. As a bonus – stop for an Icee if the bar is open too. Carbonated blue raspberry (as they totally appear in nature) slushies are the nectar of the flabby gods.
5. If you don’t have an in-park dining reservation – go somewhere else to eat. At MK? Escape for a peanut butter pie at Contempo Cafe. Take a boat to Wilderness Lodge and get some catsup at Whispering Canyon. Or even GTFO to the Poly and try to sneak into Trader Sam’s. At Epcot or Hollywood Studios?  It’s easy to escape to Beaches & Cream or Crew’s Cup  Lounge. At Animal Kingdom? If you’re not choosing to chillax at Nomad Lounge, definitely get steppin’ to Boma. Or just go back to your hotel or campsite or RV in a Walmart parking lot for a nap. A nap is the most delicious of meals. See point 2 for added reference: because it’s fun to re-read and I did a good job of that one. (This point was not made in a peanut free facility. Although it is rich in maltodextrin)
6. Extra Magic Hours – don’t. Just don’t. Any park that has this extra hour or two post-close has significantly more people in it than the other parks by 22% according to statistics compiled by me by guessing. At best you’ll get 2 extra rides in when you’re most tired and want to go back to your room and not go to bed promptly because you’re catching up on Facebook. Nothing happened. All this said I assume the extra magic hour pre-park open is worthwhile but I’m not getting up at 5:30AM on my vacation to find out. 6:15AM + 2-3 snoozes on the other hand – totally reasonable. Human nature is weird.
7. Save time. Take a Lyft. I say Lyft and not Uber because Lyft is easier to set for a specific pickup at your hotel on Disney property. Plus Lyft doesn’t dip into surge pricing as often. Plus plus if you’ve got 4 or more people in your group it becomes worthwhile to call a Minnie Van (and these don’t even have to drop off at the TTC at MK BTW). “But Lyft costs money” you say! “Well yeah… everything costs money at Disney. How much is your time worth? Probably more than taking 2 to 3 times longer to get where you’re going too.” *insert Kermit Teacup meme here*
8. You know how those people who go “Don’t even talk to me before I have my coffee?” are annoying and a half? Well they are. That said, Starbucks Via Brew + Bailey’s + a travel mug = a good start to every day.  And every day deserves a new start…

Thanks for getting this far if you did. Congrats on being bored too, I guess? I’m going to try to write some stuff for Fallon more often because it’ll be a solid way to keep myself off the mean streets of middle class suburban Canada.

P.S. I swear I don’t drink as much as it may seem. I’m just terribly introverted and being around three or more people makes me wildly uncomfortable. Libations (consumed responsibly) do help take the edge off though. Just keep it together. Unlike Uncle Darryl…

Hey, this is Luke.

Fallon often asks me to do some writing on her blog. I write for a living, so you’d think this would come easily. When I get to typing the words flow pretty easily. The trouble is I’m oft inspiration-ally challenged.

When I’m not working, I don’t want to freelance. Even this is like pulling teeth with salad tongs right now. I want to try hard. But I just… can’t.

That said, the easiest way to find out about someone is to get them riffing on something they’re passionate about. At a party with strangers and want to cut some awkward silence? Ask a few open-ended questions, build off the responses of the person you’re yakking with, then once you pinpoint what they like – keep the conversation going along that route until you can get more snacks or find a dog to pet.

So I’m going to open up HUGE here and say I like music.

Music?!?

WHAT?@?!?!?@!?@

I can’t believe it! Music? Really? Shit. Nobody likes music. You wild sonofagun. Bet you’re into breathing air too huh chum?

Yup.  Music. Music songs. Music sounds. Melodies. Hooks. Etc.

So many songs are synonymous with Disney.

So many catchy little diddies. And they start digging their earworm roots into our memory spheres Tripledent Gum style when we’re wee little ones.

I can hear the steel drums of Under the Sea as I type this. And it’s so simple to pivot to the next classic track. All you need is the right phrase. Try the grey stuff it’s delicious. Prince Ali, fabulous he. MWAH ZABENYA (or whatever they say).

Before we left on this most recent wedding/marathon/Eat-All-The-Things-We-Got-A-Tables-In Wonderland-Card Trip – I put together a Disney playlist.

Wanna get excited for the trip? Throw on this Disney Playlist and sing along.
Had a lousy day where you just want to feel like Patrick Warburton is there to say “Nice job, pal!”? Disney Playlist

Need a third thing for a blog post because things are conveniently funnier in threes? Disney Playlist can do that!

So there it is. Songs from movies. TV theme songs from our youth. A couple bangers from the Black Panther Soundtrack. Even tracks from the rides themselves cause you can’t not have Grim Grinning Ghosts amiright?

What songs would you add? Leave a comment and let us know. Keep in mind that Let It Go is totally on this playlist like 3 or 4 times or something. This Disney Playlist hakunas some serious matata.

And if there’s any specific topic you’d like me to write about – ask Fallon. She’ll let me know and I’ll give it a go in 2022 or so.

Peace/ Love. Hang 10.

Luke

Copy of Copy of disney-schedule-jan-2017 (1)

• Disney California Adventure, Part One
• Disney California Adventure, Part Two
• Disneyland, Part One